Empathy

When one monkey yawns, all the other monkeys yawn.
We're all monkeys.

My friend's grandmother is dying. It's very sad. It sounds very distressing. She thinks she's 28. She's been talking to her husband, who died 10 years ago. She doesn't recognise her son.

We all know that people reach their natural end at some point. Be that when they are 50, 60 or 103. We all know that it has to happen, and that it is good, in a way. If there was no death, life would not be valuable and love would mean nothing. Forever would actually mean forever and no one can handle that.
We know this, and yet... When someone we know dies, even if they're 88, 99 or 103, it is still terribly sad.
But why is it that I am sad about this lady, whom I have never met, dying?
We're all monkeys.

I can't stand to see my friends cry. It tears at me to know that they are suffering. I want to hug them and hold them and tell them that it will all be ok.
But there is a problem with that - it won't be.
The pain is inevitable and inescapable. It will grow less, but not quickly, and it will never quite disappear.
I can say nothing to help. I am aware of this and yet... I cannot stand to sit here and do nothing. I can't let her feel that no one cares. But if I am to show that I care, I shall only make it worse.
Would that there were some way of conveying my sympathy and - yes - empathy without appearing condescending, depressing or belittling. I fear that it is not so.

No one can understand what she is feeling: We have all felt it, we have all been there, we have all lived through it... But still we don't know. It is harder for yourself than it is for anyone else, ever. It is not possible for anyone to comprehend a pain that size, even when they are feeling it for themselves. It is never the same, for any two people, and your own grief is always the worst. Always. It's not going to go away easily. It's going to take time, and tears, but it will happen. And whilst it goes on, you don't have to be alone. You have us, to talk to, but we can't help. Nothing can fix this, and no one can understand.

Do I really think that would help?